This is for you, Smelly.

About three years ago I ended a very destructive relationship with a man I had been with for about four years. I also lost my brother. I also quit doing drugs. All in the matter of three days. Yep, I'm tough. Tougher than I ever thought I could be.

Now, three years later (which seem to have simply flown by), I am healthy and happy. I have a wonderful man in my life whose love knows no end. He makes me laugh and smile constantly. But most of all, he makes me feel safe. Safer than anyone, in the history of anyones, has ever made me feel. I never wonder if his car will be in the driveway at 3 am. It just is. I never wonder how long it will last. True love isn't started under false pretenses, getting knocked up and failing at a business together. You should never have to fight for true love. And I don't.

My past has been filled with bad mistakes, sometimes followed by even worse ones. My present is the fairy tale dream I thought could only happen to other people. I never blog about my relationship because I feel perfection doesn't need to be advertised in order to convince myself of happiness.

So, what do I have besides bartools in my life? I have a seventeen year old daughter who isn't pregnant and won't be at the age of 19 either...I have true, untarnished love from a man who is so close to perfect...and I have given the worst part of my past away to someone else.

But I didn't need to write this in a blog for me. I wrote this for her.

Immunity to Tragedy

I must change the channel. I hate news broadcasts. All I have to say is "Virgina Tech" and my head is instantly filled with pictures of police cars, flashing lights, yellow tape and a soundtrack of gun shots to accompany a shakey cell phone video. Two days ago, my same little brain carried thoughts of a magnificent campus with amazing architecture and beautiful lawns with just the perfect number of students placed perfectly but randomly across the yard. Damn the news.

Some kind of "grief management" dude was being interviewed on the Today Show. He stated "No one is immune to tragedy". Sure did make a lot of sense to me. So now, in addition to putting sweet girl behind the wheel of a car on the big, open road...I get to pay to send her to a possible shooting range, if I watch the news.

I have always tried to not waste effort trying to understand the incomprehensible. I don't want to know what this crazy shooter was thinking. Understanding won't be necessary.

Magnolia Field at UT Arboretum

I love Spring!!

Ohana means "Family"

Meet Mr. Bob. He is amazing.

Bob & Melissah FINALLY got married this weekend! February 24, 2007. I'll post beautiful wedding pictures later. This post is not about the wedding. This post is about Bob.

When I first met Bob, I instantly approved of Melissah's newfound relationship. We began our friendship with dinners, weekend visits to Asheville, early morning trips to the airport, and most recently tracking across the Magic Kingdom with a shitload of people (most of whom were wearing mouse ears).

Some more history for you....Bob married my Sister-in-Law, Eddie's widow. This is an example of how life changes, whether you want it to, or not...And how change can be okay.

I miss my brother every day. I did have quite a few "blue" moments this past weekend. But something weird happened, too. It felt like a little bit of sadness went away after the wedding. I'm sure it could have been all the vodka at the reception...The feeling just kind of hit all at once. I know Melissah loves the memory of my brother. I know she loves Bob. A part of my sadness was replaced with a big chunk of happiness this weekend.

Our Ohana (refer to subject line) spent some time talking about some craziness. The seasons of our life, so to speak. I added new memories to old ones. And that is a sweet thing that life offers you, sometimes in the strangest ways.

Bob & Missy

Breakfast brunch, Yacht Club, Epcot Resorts

The Newlyweds.....

Yacht Club, Epcot Resort

Yacht Club, Epcot Resort
Originally uploaded by tink927.

On top of Hurricane Hannah's.

Cinderella Castle, Magic Kingdom

Cinderella Castle, Magic Kingdom
Originally uploaded by tink927.

China Street Vendors, Epcot

China Street Vendors, Epcot
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Jill, Kaylea, & Mabel

Jill, Kaylea, & Mabel
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Missy got a new puppy. She says Mabel is a terrorist. I think she is lying. There is no way something so damn adorable could ever be mean...

Parker with the bedhead

Parker with the bedhead
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Parker's been letting his hair grow...no haircuts since October. He calls it his winter coat. Most days, he simply looks like a Fall Out Boy/Tony Hawk type rock star, last night however, it looked like he had combed his hair with a cat!

Christians

According to dictionary.com, the definition of a christian is as follows:

1. of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith.
2. of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ
3. of or pertaining to Christians: many Christian deaths in the Crusades.
4. exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike
5. decent; respectable
6. human; not brutal; humane–noun
7. a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity.
8. a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ

Although my discovery is not a recent one, it has recently been confirmed that a Christian who is very dear to me, chooses to live their life much differently than the above definition.
I chose many years ago to basically boycott all organized religions. I do believe in a higher power and I do pray. I spent most of my childhood, growing up in a Baptist church. I often blame that upbringing for my jaded view of Christians. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying all Christians are bad. (Just most of them.)

I believe my God will judge me. I believe followers of God may judge me, but in doing so, that same act, according to Christianity, puts them further from their God.

There's an old saying, "The proof is in the pudding". It has been proven to me, time and again, the Christians in this world are the most dishonest, un-God-like folks I know. I have read the Christian bible and I have yet to find anything written saying, "Once you take me into your heart, you must to my job on earth. You must judge everyone and you must think you are perfect."

The higher power I choose, is only caring, not two-faced or vendicative. That higher power is always forgiving and peaceful. I choose to live my life according to how I want to be treated. Living this way, I have surrounded myself with genuine people who know how to love. And I have weeded out, well...the weeds....